I’m a 35-year-old woman living in a small college town in the Midwest. Or, I will be as of April 5, 2012–that’s when I’ll turn 35. I’m a substitute teacher wishing I could find a full-time job, but also kind of liking the sporadic schedule that allows me time to…well, basically to fuck around. I’m married to the world’s best man, who for the purposes of this blog, has chosen to be called Buble, as in Michael Buble, an artist we never, ever listen to unless it’s Christmas and I’m forcing the issue. We don’t want to offend any of the Buble fans out there, but I really want to make it clear that the name is my husband’s idea of a joke.
We’ve been trying to get pregnant since October, 2010. You can see our Timeline for more details on that. It’s my eggs that are the problem–they’re just a little past their prime. I have spent a lot of time coming to terms with the reality of our situation; I am determined not to let infertility become the central tragedy of our lives. I don’t want infertility to become the central anything of our lives. Letting that happen would dishonor the profound joy of the life we’ve built together.
So…we are ambivalent on the subject of fertility treatments. I go back and forth between steely determination to do whatever it takes to put a baby in me, and wilting reluctance to ever let another doctor come close to my vagina with a speculum ever again.
Here’s a little note about acronyms: I tend to dislike them. I don’t know if it’s because I’m trying to pretend I’m not fully a member of the infertile community (which is bitchy, and I’m not really that way) or just an English major’s refusal to substitute insider jargon for concise, accessible language. It could be some other things too, and maybe someday I’ll elaborate on the subject. But whatever my reasons (which remain somewhat hidden, even to me), I won’t be using the old BFN/TTC/OPK/BCP initials when I write here. There will be a few exceptions for the sake of easy site navigation, and because it would suck to type Intra-Uterine Insemination every time I discuss IUI’s.